


an analysis of the life of izuru kamukura

by memeticallyengineered



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst and Feels, Kamukura Izuru Is Bad At Feelings, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito, One Shot, POV Kamukura Izuru, POV Second Person, Partial Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28905414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memeticallyengineered/pseuds/memeticallyengineered
Relationships: Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	an analysis of the life of izuru kamukura

imagine being young and the scientists tested and measured and took to make sure their science project was alright  
imagine having your blood drawn and your vitals measured and being made to test and draw this and paint that and take this apart and put it back together, in that state and feeling that much pain  
over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over  
and when you beg for them to stop and that you're in pain you're told to shut up or are hurt more or are even just ignored  
and it HURTS  
your brain feels like it's been stirred and your limbs ache but they force you to go on  
and for what? fame, glory, recognition? after they get what they want from you they lock you back in the box to rot forever  
you are Izuru Kamukura and you are a monster of hope's peak's own making

and imagine you're in the box and you're shivering and you're AFRAID but even the sense of being afraid is taken from you and you just want to go home but you don't even know where home is because this hell is all you've known  
then a girl comes in and she's loud and she's loud and she's THERE and she's near you and she's hurting you and you hurt and you just want her to GO AWAY  
but you don't even have the strength to do so and your limbs feel like they're on fire  
so you just dodge and feint and by some merciful chance you manage to hurt this girl enough to have her leave, you mutter something out loud that you can barely even hear and your voice comes out like a whisper

imagine meeting a woman you don't recognize but something in your brain is SCREAMING that you know them and your head aches and tears flow down your face because you just want to KNOW but you can only watch as she bleeds out on the ground  
you pick up her hairpin and you bawl for someone you don't even know when you don't even know yourself  
you pick up the flowers and bring them to her desk and mourn someone you've never met

imagine staring off a rooftop with that hole in your heart, ACHING for something that you can't remember and don't know if you've ever had  
searching for any crumb of emotion that you know everyone else has and finding nothing but a void  
trying desperately to find that thing that was missing but coming up short and gasping for air  
nightmares about events you don't even remember

imagine someone pointing a gun at you, someone you know but also DON'T like the girl you saw lying in a pool of her own blood  
he points a gun at you and you feel something like fear for the first time and you feel alive but also not  
before you think of taking the gun from his hands you think of what it would be like to have the blood spilt from your veins  
when you shoot you see his face with an expression that looks halfway between fear and awe and wonder how someone could feel something like that when they know they might be dying and you wonder how someone could be so brave and yet so foolish

imagine thinking about the person you used to be and not knowing who you are or were or could be and for the first time in your life you feel an emotion and it is terror  
you curl up on that small boat and you sit and inside you SCREAM and wail for all that was lost  
and the man you know but also not talks to you and you respond in the way you were taught because what else is there to know   
you carry the creation of a woman you barely know but despise but also can't feel towards and you hold it tight because its the only thing that truly belongs to you because not even your body and thoughts are sacred  
and you howl and you wail and you rage but you know that nothing you say or do will ever bring what you are missing back

imagine coming back from a virtual hell and everyone calls you "Hajime" and you don't recognize that name but just hearing it makes your head ache and you feel like your skull is being split all over again   
you met someone with that name in a place that you can't remember but the only thing that you know is that they rejected you and now you are them and their body and soul and mind are yours  
you wonder if you were ever a person to begin with or if you were just a construct or a tool or an object  
sometimes you wish the person that you used to be was here and that you were gone and you weep  
they told you you are Izuru Kamukura but sometimes you wonder who Izuru Kamukura really is

imagine slowly learning to feel again  
to learn that the bile you felt flow through your veins every time you thought of HER and holding your small flash drive was "hate"  
and the tenderness you felt while viewing a puppy or a fresh-picked flower or an orange sunset was "happiness"  
learning how to feel and think and LIVE for yourself and knowing that nobody could ever control you again because you have people who would tear the stars apart to make sure you are safe

imagine holding the hand of the man you know but also don't and feeling a strange sort of happiness like your entire body is burning but somehow you are not in pain  
so you analyze and study and measure this man front to back   
you want to make sure he is no longer the same man that tried to put a bullet in your chest  
and you become enamored of every piece of him from his hair to his skin to his clothing and want to see more and more and more and more and more and more and more  
you are unsure of what this is but you would like to keep your experiment going  
later you are told that what you are feeling is "love"

imagine years later you are curled up close to this man and you feel the warmth against your chest   
the blood in his veins warm against his skin as it pulses and spirals in patterns that will never again be replicated  
you can feel his breaths and the currents of the air against your bare skin and his soft lips on yours as he kisses you tenderly half-asleep  
for the first time in your life you know how it feels to be happy   
and you smile for the first time in what seems like an eternity   
you are Izuru Kamukura and for the first time in your life you understand what it is like to truly be alive


End file.
